INSIGHT: Lawyers Need Better Tools for Effective, Mindful Listening on Racism

Finding it hard to dialogue about race at work? As we awaken further to the uncomfortable truths about systemic racism in our communities and workplaces, we may find it challenging to have these difficult conversations.

It’s no surprise. We’ve never really learned how to do it effectively. In the past, we may have avoided these conversations or engaged unskillfully. That option is no longer available. As one data point, lawyers are currently only required to fulfill minimal continuing education requirements for eliminating bias in the legal profession (in California, it’s one hour every three years). We have a responsibility to learn to navigate these dialogues with openness and effectiveness.

Effective dialogue begins with mindful listening: seeking to understand, being present to someone who is expressing concern, listening without judgment, and observing without evaluating. It is something most of us have never learned to do. As critical thinkers and advocates, our impulse is to problem solve, take action and win.

For litigators, especially, we are trained to make an argument, debate and point out flaws in other people’s positions. Unfortunately, the structural challenges we face have been in place for a long time, so rushing to solutions at this stage is short-sighted. Basic “design thinking” principles tell us the first step to problem solving is empathy and understanding. We first need to learn how to listen, effectively and mindfully.

Included below are some fundamental tools lawyers and law firms can utilize to establish a framework for more productive dialogues and to help move us forward in addressing systemic and structural racism.

B.E. H.E.A.R.

Breath and Body (Relax)

Paying attention to your breath and body when listening to others will help you avoid becoming reactive. These simple relaxation techniques keep you steady and grounded in the conversation and rescue any emotional charge. Because humans “mirror” in conversation, your steady breathing will subconsciously support the speaker in also remaining calm. Belly breathing can be a huge help. Breathing with both your chest and abdomen subconsciously lets your organs know you’re safe and not being threatened, which minimizes emotional reactivity.

Calming your body helps to calm your mind. When you are listening, do you notice tightness in your chest or shoulders or discomfort in your stomach? These physical cues let you know you’re getting tense and serve as a prompt to breathe more. Loosen the grip of tensed muscles, relax the body, settle down, get out of your own head and focus on actually hearing the other person.

Explore and Be Curious

Listen and withhold judgment. We can’t judge and be curious at the same time, so choose curiosity. Listen to the speaker with the goal to understand what is said and what feeling is being expressed underneath their words — not to analyze its substance, which can be nearly instinctive for lawyers.

Avoid interrupting, but feel free to ask clarifying questions occasionally. Ask open-ended questions that begin with “what” and “how” (rather than why,” which can put people on the defensive), can prompt new details that deepen your understanding.

Have Kindness and Compassion

Save the brute force “listening” tactics for your next call with opposing counsel.

Practice accepting what you hear with sincere kindness and compassion. Think about the care you would have for a loved one or close friend, and approach this dialogue in that way. Don’t shut out anything they are saying, remove any preconceived notions or judgments you have about the person or their opinion, and set them at ease for this dialogue.

Engage with the Speaker, Not Your Own Mind

As critical thinkers, we are often listening with mental distraction, anticipating what the other person might say, comparing their words with our own situation, or preparing our response. Instead, stop preparing your retort and commit to paying attention to their words.

“Self manage” the thinking about your own experience or what you might say. Put your desire to be understood on the back burner. Focus on understanding each word the other person is saying.

Acknowledge Their Feelings

Use the steps above to try to identify a label for the emotions you think the speaker is experiencing, as they may not articulate them out loud. You can do this by listening for feeling words, inferring feelings based on the content, noticing where they hesitate, or observing comfort or discomfort in their body language.

If you don’t have a nuanced understanding of the range of emotions a person can experience, review a list to better understand.

Reflective Listening

When the other person is done speaking, confirm your understanding of the feeling and content by paraphrasing specifically what you have heard in a nonjudgmental way. This step of reflective listening affirms to the speaker they are truly being “heard” and ultimately lowers their defenses and comforts them.

Also, it’s ok to get the paraphrasing wrong, so long as you give the speaker the opportunity to correct your understanding. Lawyers are used to being experts and speaking with authority. Be careful to avoid presenting as the authority on the other person’s experience.

Conversations about race in the workplace are not comfortable, but if you are willing to try the above tactics and step out of your comfort zone, you may begin to deepen your understanding of the challenges others face and work towards meaningful next steps. The companies and firms that start to take these efforts seriously will be able to set the pace and develop the playbook for meaningful change.

This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Bureau of National Affairs, Inc. or its owners.

Author Information

Rudhir Krishtel practiced law for 15 years as an Am Law 100 litigation partner and then as senior counsel at Apple, and is now an executive coach and facilitator for lawyers. Seeing the many challenges lawyers face in their practice, Krishtel trained as a yoga and mindfulness meditation teacher and as a professional coach to serve as a resource and support for the legal community.