New Moms, Go Back to Work If You’re on the Fence. We’ve Got You

This may be a controversial statement, but I’m here to plead my case to fellow working moms: If possible, do not tap out of the workforce when you have kids. Hang in there.

Stepping out of the workforce for a few years can carry long‑term career and financial consequences that many women don’t know about. And reentering the workforce after a long hiatus can be challenging. (That said, I acknowledge that myriad reasons, including access to childcare, health needs, and inflexible jobs, may prompt a mom to step back from work.)

No matter the reason for stepping back, the “motherhood penalty” phenomenon—the documented drop in pay that occurs once women become mothers—is real. Full-time working mothers make 74 cents for every dollar made by working dads. Over a 30-year career, this pay gap translates into an income loss of almost $600,000, assuming the same rate of pay disparity.

Whether to stay in the workforce or to take time off to care for one’s own family is a very personal decision. Here are a few suggestions that may help you navigate this tough choice.

For me, staying involved with my professional network (in my case, the Association of Corporate Counsel) helped:

• remind me that other amazing professional women have done this before
• develop a support network for career and personal advice
• keep me up to date with legal issues and current events
• ground me as a professional woman rather than a sleep-deprived mom

On many nights, I felt too tired to change out of my clothing reeking of dried spit-up to attend an ACC networking event. But somehow, I mustered up enough energy to go—and I always left the event feeling invigorated by the inspiring professionals I met and excited to get back to work.

Moreover, the professional network I built over the years has benefited me in so many ways; it helped opened doors for job interviews when the recruiter would have put me in the rejection letter category, and I’ve received so many fantastic referrals that made doing my job much easier.

Conchita Valenzuela, deputy general counsel at NADBank, and mother to three adorable kids, noted that your child’s “needing you” changes as the kid grows. Babies have basic needs, such as food, sleep, and nurture, that a support network can assist with as you return to work.

“Counterintuitively, as kids become more self-sufficient, they actually need your presence more,” Conchita advised. “Full attention. Eyes up, phone down, all in.”

For older kids, it becomes less about the quantity of hours and more about the quality of time you spend with them. While this makes the division of your workday hours more manageable, it also means really focusing on your child when you’re together and not thinking about the upcoming work deadline or the chores you could be doing.

Moms are often the first to admit we don’t have all the answers. It took living through my 40s to feel confident enough to say that out loud. Conchita agreed.

“Don’t beat yourself up,” she noted. “You will only truly learn this by living it and connecting with some similarly situated folks. Release yourself from the pressure of being a perfect parent and everything gets a little easier. I wish someone had told me that 20 years ago.”

Rhea Ricard, managing counsel at BNY and president of the ACC Southern California Chapter, followed up with, “Don’t overcommit. Learn how to set boundaries.” It’s better to do a few things well than to do a mediocre job at many things.

Burnout is a real thing. “You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself. If that means taking time out to watch some bad TV, then do it,” Rhea advised. I couldn’t agree more with this advice, as I often find myself last on my list of priorities.

Cori Gordon Moore, corporate counsel at Costco Wholesale Corp., learned to “pick what’s important to you and your kids and commit to doing that.” Cori explained that her kids “never brought homemade anything to school” because she doesn’t bake. But they always had Mom cheering on the sidelines or clapping in the audience because she would be “at school for the stuff that mattered to them—the fall walk-a-thon and end of year concerts.”

Being a hard‑working professional mother will also influence the kind of adults your children will become. Our presence in the workforce shapes our careers—as well as our daughters’ sense of what’s possible and our sons’ understanding of shared responsibility.

A 2018 Harvard Business School study confirmed this: “Compared to women whose mothers stayed home full time, women raised by an employed mother are 1.21 times more likely to be employed; 1.29 times more likely to supervise others at work; and they spend 44 extra minutes at their jobs each week. The sons of employed mothers hold significantly more egalitarian gender attitudes—even more so than the daughters of stay-at-home moms.”

I know that having a stay-at-home parent may be the only option for some families. But for women on the fence, I offer these arguments for your consideration on why you should stay in the workforce. Know that if you’re having a bad day, or that work hill seems insurmountable, reach out. You are not alone, and I’ve got your back.

Columnist Ellen Yang is the general counsel and a partner at DTO Law and previously held in-house leadership roles at Cruise LLC, Penske Motor Group, and Taco Bell. She writes about career and lifestyle for Bloomberg Law’s Good Counsel column.

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